MENTAL STORM OF DEPRESSION

Torrential Rains Of Tears...
Come, Dry Your Eyes!

Depression encourages sadness and lack of concentration on positive thoughts. It invades us in a multitude of ways such as decreasing or increasing our eating habits and/or sleeping habits. It just overall surpresses. It reduces our thoughts down to negativity. We feel and know the changes within us but sometimes it's difficult to overcome it alone.

A mental storm of depression invaded me in my early twenties. It was to the point that I thought even death was too good for me. I didn't say anything to anyone about how I was feeling and if I could I wouldn't know where to begin to explain it. I felt embarrassed about losing my inner control. I felt it was useless anyway - what could anyone do or say to make me feel better?... I thought I was playing a cunning role of hiding it. I tried to portray a tough outward attitude in hopes of concealing the pit of hopelessness I felt inside - at all times. How wrong I was! Although I artfully tried to trick others into thinking I was still the "in control" person they knew me as - little did I know that they saw right through me. It's true. Don't think for a second that when you fall victim to a mental storm that people around you are stupid to your change. They are not. Especially the people that surround you in your daily life. Your spouse, children, mom, dad, co-workers, friends, partner, etc.

Yes, I turned to my bible but I was so despondent that I felt I was not worthy of reading or receiving the bountiful mercy of the promises and love of Jesus, Lord God!

How pathetic I was!

One day, my Mother was watching TV. I could not take it any longer. I walked up to her and sat in her lap. I was 22 years old. I curled up against her without saying a word. She put her arms around me and I sobbed as though my heart was breaking in my chest. She held me tight. As helpless as I felt I didn't realize how helpless she must have felt, too. She didn't have to say a word. She remained in silence - then kissed me on my head and let me cry...

I told her I didn't know what was wrong with me. She smiled and said, "Nothing is too wrong that God can't fix. I've been waiting to see how long it would take for you to admit to someone how you felt. Depression becomes an illness when it lingers too long. God gave us doctors to help us. If you cannot overcome a depressed state alone - it's time to get help." So, I took her advice. I was desperate. Yes, my doctor gave me medication to help me re-focus. My beautiful Christian Mother was right. I started feeling better within days. I was able to read my bible again and felt worthy of reading it. I was young and proud but I learned at an early age that I was not able to exist on my own if not by the love of God.
Or perhaps I could exist - but within what quality?... I shiver to wonder...

My age has more than doubled since that first storm of depression. My Mother is in heaven now and her Christian love has saved me more times than I can count. I am grateful she was MY mom and God knew what He was doing when He made us a family on earth.

Have I had any other storms of depression since?
Yes. Do they last? NO!
When depression starts brewing, I EVACUATE!!! I stay focused on the Word of God and the knowledge of His divine and immeasurable love He has for me!
Depression is a state of mind - MIND THE STATE YOU'RE IN - pay attention to the signs of change! DO NOT live in the aftermath of depression!

Remember the promise of our Lord when He says He tell us that He is close to the broken-hearted and He will save those who are crushed in spirit according to
Psalm 34:18

Take the negative and ask God to work it to your positive!

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